(no subject)
Mar. 6th, 2011 11:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nigeltdeI lost my goddamn Kindle this week. I think it fell out my bag while I was at the movies. Last session of the night and I went back before first session the next day but nada; either it wasn't there or they've a dishonest cleaner. The only other reasonable spot is the couch but the precious searched there; I could really upend the room but I am reluctant because I don't want to not find it. And I was in the middle of reading goddamn Blood Meridian too and I want to know what other atrocities will be tossed at me with a Clifford the Big Red Dog casualness.
Two concurrent feelings:
1. It-is-either-here-or-there. There is no other place it could reasonably be and all attempts at recollection and reconstruction support this. So absence in either place makes you kind of feel like the universe has stopped operating along the usual lines of cause and effect, and so maybe also the laws of time, gravity, and falling asleep after lunch are null.*
2. Bad news lurking. Not in the ironic, tragic way, where you don't know that your action in the past has worked silently in the background for your imminent misfortune, but in the damn, for like twelve hours when I was joking around and sleeping and drinking coffee and doing the laundry this bad news was waiting for me to put my hand in my bag and realise the loss way. It's not so much that you feel a chump for being happy but more that, retrospectively, you picture yourself walking around with two shadows. And one of those shadows is an asshole.
---
* I had a similar experience when I was a kid. I had a Tamagotchi watch my aunt brought back from the US -- my only possession amongst the decade-too-late happy pants and worn copies of The Hobbit and Smokey, Sledge Dog of Alaska that gave me any cultural cachet -- that I know with despotic certainty I left at the swimming pool. I left it there on the seat because I took it off to go swimming and my dad and my sister said they never picked it up. But it was in our bag when we got home, cutting off my fit of hysterics before I could really get some speed up.
Two concurrent feelings:
1. It-is-either-here-or-there. There is no other place it could reasonably be and all attempts at recollection and reconstruction support this. So absence in either place makes you kind of feel like the universe has stopped operating along the usual lines of cause and effect, and so maybe also the laws of time, gravity, and falling asleep after lunch are null.*
2. Bad news lurking. Not in the ironic, tragic way, where you don't know that your action in the past has worked silently in the background for your imminent misfortune, but in the damn, for like twelve hours when I was joking around and sleeping and drinking coffee and doing the laundry this bad news was waiting for me to put my hand in my bag and realise the loss way. It's not so much that you feel a chump for being happy but more that, retrospectively, you picture yourself walking around with two shadows. And one of those shadows is an asshole.
---
* I had a similar experience when I was a kid. I had a Tamagotchi watch my aunt brought back from the US -- my only possession amongst the decade-too-late happy pants and worn copies of The Hobbit and Smokey, Sledge Dog of Alaska that gave me any cultural cachet -- that I know with despotic certainty I left at the swimming pool. I left it there on the seat because I took it off to go swimming and my dad and my sister said they never picked it up. But it was in our bag when we got home, cutting off my fit of hysterics before I could really get some speed up.
