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nigeltdeHi! I'm the plot of Star Trek. You might remember me from such films as A Group of Individuals Defined By Their Unique Abilities Team Up Under Pressure and Buttsex 2: Butt Harder. I'm here today to talk to you about how to be awesome like me. It's simple! Just follow these easy steps:
1. Make your bad guy a psycho so your characters don't have to worry about tricky things like interstellar politics and can just blow a bunch of shit up.
2. Appearance is everything. Show a lot of pretty things floating about in pretty space.
3. Further to that, a Top Tip: be in the future when all the ugly people have died out, and those who haven't got a helping of the cute-funny gene, or are evil.
4. Everyone loves time travel, right? Throw that shit in there! And remember, when your different-timeline characters meet, have them talk entirely in thinly-veiled references to buttsex.
5. Be funny! So many people think this step isn't important but honestly it's make-or-break, and it's not that hard when you have interesting characters with catchphrases that are if not inherently funny, are funny via the nostalgic context. I recommend not taking yourself too seriously, but not being camp either.
6. Your secondary characters are the seasoning in your lead character sandwich. Make sure they are all introduced memorably and get a chance to showcase their defining ability in a Crowning Moment of Awesome/Funny.
7. Your lead characters need to stand out. Give them psychological motivations that are obvious but never quite made explicit. The audience will know how clever and subtle you are! For instance, perhaps one of your characters has a fetish for hanging off ledges and getting choked, sometimes simultaneously. Are all his actions in the movie motivated by this deep-seated need? You bet!
These were my easy steps to success, and they can be yours too! Now get out there and have fun!
NB: I've been asked, does the above apply to female characters? Man, I get this question all the never! That's because it's pretty straightforward, dude. Look, sometimes circumstance dictates you need one or two, but don't worry too much. As long as she's kissing people and wearing a short skirt no-one really cares. Alternatively you can just kill them off. Easy fixed!
1. Make your bad guy a psycho so your characters don't have to worry about tricky things like interstellar politics and can just blow a bunch of shit up.
2. Appearance is everything. Show a lot of pretty things floating about in pretty space.
3. Further to that, a Top Tip: be in the future when all the ugly people have died out, and those who haven't got a helping of the cute-funny gene, or are evil.
4. Everyone loves time travel, right? Throw that shit in there! And remember, when your different-timeline characters meet, have them talk entirely in thinly-veiled references to buttsex.
5. Be funny! So many people think this step isn't important but honestly it's make-or-break, and it's not that hard when you have interesting characters with catchphrases that are if not inherently funny, are funny via the nostalgic context. I recommend not taking yourself too seriously, but not being camp either.
6. Your secondary characters are the seasoning in your lead character sandwich. Make sure they are all introduced memorably and get a chance to showcase their defining ability in a Crowning Moment of Awesome/Funny.
7. Your lead characters need to stand out. Give them psychological motivations that are obvious but never quite made explicit. The audience will know how clever and subtle you are! For instance, perhaps one of your characters has a fetish for hanging off ledges and getting choked, sometimes simultaneously. Are all his actions in the movie motivated by this deep-seated need? You bet!
These were my easy steps to success, and they can be yours too! Now get out there and have fun!
NB: I've been asked, does the above apply to female characters? Man, I get this question all the never! That's because it's pretty straightforward, dude. Look, sometimes circumstance dictates you need one or two, but don't worry too much. As long as she's kissing people and wearing a short skirt no-one really cares. Alternatively you can just kill them off. Easy fixed!
