Anatomy of a Kevin Smith Movie:

[nigeltde]

CAST:
Best Friend One - a bad actor
Best Friend Two - a bad but oddly appealing and charming actor
Girl One - uglyhot
Girl Two - hothot
Jay - Jay
Silent Bob - some guy
New Jersey - New Jersey
Callbacks - Hey, it's that guy!



Best Friend One: I have the kind of intelligence that looks like intelligence but really isn't. I have no sense of humour and am really quite annoying and unattractive, and somehow have two smart and attractive girls desperate for me. I am the centrepiece of the movie even though I have absolutely no forward momentum.

Best Friend Two: I am the one you really like. I'm funny and in no way PC and wierdly asexual even though I spend the entire movie speaking about sex and am totally gay for BF1.

Girl One: I AM FREAKY AND WANT TO CHANGE YOU POOKUMS. I LUFF YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE TOWARDS ME.

Girl Two: I am way radical and BF1 can't deal with it BUT I LUFF HIM even though he is an asshole towards me.

Jay: drugspussycockdrugsmusicdrugssexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex

Silent Bob: ...

Everyone: WE LIVE IN NEW JERSEY!

New Jersey: Establish shot this, motherfucker!

BFs: *have geeky conversation*

Callbacks: Hey, it's me! Remember me! Remember! I was in the other moofies for like three seconds! REMEMBER.

BF2: *is completely, hilariously, offensively foul*

BF1: *freaks out about commitment*

BF2: DUDE I LOVE YOU, WAKE UP TO YOURSELF

G2: I love you BF1 but you cannot make me abandon my unconventional outlook upon life, because I am true to my principles!

BF1: Girl One, I secretly hate you but I'm just going to wait until you catch me doing something horrendous and dump my ass

Jay: drugspussycockdrugsmusicdrugssexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex

Silent Bob: ...

Someone or thing: *gets a blowjob*

G1: *dumps his ass*

BF1: MY LIFE IS OVER

BF2: DUDE, I LOVE YOU, WAKE UP TO YOURSELF!

G2: I LOVE YOU TOO! Fuck my principles, let's make babies!

BF1: My stupid-ass worldview is being torn asunder! I can't deal!

Silent Bob: Wake up to yourself!

Jay: Shut up, you fuck. Drugspussycockdrugsmusicdrugssexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex

BF2: DUDE, I LOVE YOU, WAKE UP TO YOURSELF!!!

BF1: Okay.

AND EVERYONE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.



Actually I quite enjoyed Clerks 2 :-)

Comments

[corvus-coronis.livejournal.com]

*snort* good summary!

[lydia-petze.livejournal.com]

That's perfect :-))

[nigeltde]

I mock because I love :-)

[nigeltde]

You were so right about what a softie he is. This was the sappiest ending yet!

[lydia-petze.livejournal.com]

He's all about the love, isn't he? He just likes to wrap it all in foul language and donkey shows.

Best moment? "Oh, cake!" :-D

[nigeltde]

heh heh heh!

"I miss my donkey" was a personal favourite. He just looked so sad!

I was also quite charmed by Elias, or whatever his name was. The LotR fan; he was so cutely awkward.