(no subject)
May. 17th, 2007 05:32 pmSo this guy has created an alternate narrative for Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, and it's fucking hysterical. Download it, throw your DVD in and give it a listen, it's brilliant. (Ignore the website that pretends it's a new art form!)
Some of my favourite bits; imagine them being read in a croaky, tremulous, pronounced American accent:
entering Diagon Ally; a bit later in Gringotts (Hagar=Hagrid, obviously):
We have witchy moms, and wizardly dads, and worried harried Harry acting excited for Hagar's sake. Look, a Turkish massage owl! And look! It's a bat! Sweet moustache! Willikers! Harry watches kids breaking their nose cartilage on the windows of broom stores. This is heaven.
....
Soon they are riding to the vaults on a rollercoaster. The grossest-looking humanoid in the world tries to scuttle around on its moon-shaped limbs. It tries to remain cool, and orders Hagar and Harry to follow. It unlocks the door and backs away, trying to resemble what it thinks is a cool-looking person, but in reality it is freaking Hagar and Harry miserably. The door to Harry's vault swings open and right away starts to blow the socks off of Harry P. Hagar makes noises out of his mouth but Harry is Not. A. Vailable.
Hagrid telling Harry the story about Voldemot in The Leaky Cauldron
And now no-one knows if he's dead or hiding or hiding as a dead person, but it's sure that he hates you for not dying. And it's sure that if he's still alive, he'll try to finish off the job, probably when you are sleeping. And he'll probably look like someone you love, just to make it worse when he murders you. So, you know, be on the lookout for that, and, you know, be careful when someone loves you.
Potions!
The potions class's door is thrown dramatically open, and in dances that black hole of a woman with the scar-aching glare. She leans with her best effort to strike an attractive pose while beginning to whet her students' appetite with a taste of the kind of rhetoric to be experienced here. The stark impossibility that such a thing could be human, not to mention, a human that Harry has to pay attention to, is only matched with Malfoyle's apparent infatuation with her. They look into each other's eyes, like two serpents on a honeymoon, Professor Snake astonished that she has an admirer, and Malfoyle, astonished that he likes women.
Some of my favourite bits; imagine them being read in a croaky, tremulous, pronounced American accent:
entering Diagon Ally; a bit later in Gringotts (Hagar=Hagrid, obviously):
We have witchy moms, and wizardly dads, and worried harried Harry acting excited for Hagar's sake. Look, a Turkish massage owl! And look! It's a bat! Sweet moustache! Willikers! Harry watches kids breaking their nose cartilage on the windows of broom stores. This is heaven.
....
Soon they are riding to the vaults on a rollercoaster. The grossest-looking humanoid in the world tries to scuttle around on its moon-shaped limbs. It tries to remain cool, and orders Hagar and Harry to follow. It unlocks the door and backs away, trying to resemble what it thinks is a cool-looking person, but in reality it is freaking Hagar and Harry miserably. The door to Harry's vault swings open and right away starts to blow the socks off of Harry P. Hagar makes noises out of his mouth but Harry is Not. A. Vailable.
Hagrid telling Harry the story about Voldemot in The Leaky Cauldron
And now no-one knows if he's dead or hiding or hiding as a dead person, but it's sure that he hates you for not dying. And it's sure that if he's still alive, he'll try to finish off the job, probably when you are sleeping. And he'll probably look like someone you love, just to make it worse when he murders you. So, you know, be on the lookout for that, and, you know, be careful when someone loves you.
Potions!
The potions class's door is thrown dramatically open, and in dances that black hole of a woman with the scar-aching glare. She leans with her best effort to strike an attractive pose while beginning to whet her students' appetite with a taste of the kind of rhetoric to be experienced here. The stark impossibility that such a thing could be human, not to mention, a human that Harry has to pay attention to, is only matched with Malfoyle's apparent infatuation with her. They look into each other's eyes, like two serpents on a honeymoon, Professor Snake astonished that she has an admirer, and Malfoyle, astonished that he likes women.
